You Have Been A Nurse Too Long If...
by Emilie Turalba
- You like spending all your holidays with your friends at work
- Your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change
- You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign himself out so you don’t
have to deal with him
- You believe that a good tape job will fix anything
- You believe in aerial spraying of PROZAC
- Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems normal to you
- Your diet consist of food that has gone through more processing than computers
- You don’t think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate
- You refer to someone in severe respiratory distress as “SMURF”
- You want to hold a seminar entitled “SUICIDE ...doing it right”
- You think caffeine should come in IV form
- Your bladder expands to the size of a “Winnebago’s water tank”
- Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack
squirrels in the backyard
- You get an irresistible urge to wolf down your food in less than 3 minutes
even when you’re in a nice restaurant
- Your scrubs have been seized by the Center for Disease Control, EPA and OSHA
- You have referred to subcutaneous emphysema as “RICE CRISPIES
- You believe that a large part of your caloric intake is provided by Tylenol,
Advil and Excedrin
- You’ve held a 14 gauge needle over someone’s veins and remarked “there’s
going to be a little poke , and this will hurt only for a second
- You’re the only one at the dinner table NOT allowed to talk about your day at
work
- Your life’s motto is “If it is wet, sticky and not yours...Don’t touch it
- You’ve ever sworn your going to have “NO CODE” tattooed on your chest
- You say to yourself “GREAT VEINS” as you pass by perfect strangers
- Your family members have to have a fever of 105, a dismembered limb and
active bleeding before you give them any sympathy
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